World Cup Watch Party: Week 3
Nothing ever happens, except when it does. Cape Verde, the Azteca, and how America can move onto its next plane of soccer existence.
Hello, and welcome to week three of my World Cup Watch Party. If you’re new here, you can catch up on week one and week two.
Took a few extra days for this one, and boy was that a smart decision. We’re getting down to it now. There was almost too many “instant classics” to choose from.
Philadelphian Hospitality
Mexico fans (more on them in a bit) found out what hotel the English team was staying at, and blasted fireworks outside at 2 AM.
This sort of thing happens all the time. So much so that Philadelphia’s own mayor did it to the city when she pushed the 4th of July fireworks show to 2:30 AM because of storms.
You’d think she had to play against the dogs of Fairmount in the morning and wanted a bit more of an advantage. Weird stuff!
The Streets Will Remember Vozinha
The 0-0 against Spain? Flukey. Spain just hadn’t kicked into gear yet. The 2-2 against Uruguay? Uruguay was just underachieving in this tournament. They never were serious contenders. 0-0 against Saudi? At this point, it was expected to get some sort of result, and we’d see Cape Verde make it out of the groups against all odds. They were rewarded by playing No. 1-ranked Argentina and No. 1-ranked Messi, and surely it would be a bloodbath.
Yeah, well.
Everyone knew Argentina would and should have won that game. The fact that it was close at all was something that even the most casual World Cup viewer can’t help but find the magic in.
You probably didn’t even know where Cape Verde was before that. And you’d be forgiven. Could you point to it on a map? Here it is:
There’s a phrase you’ll see in soccer discussions sometimes: “Nothing ever happens.” It means that when there’s a storyline of some great Cinderella or giant-killer or any against-all-odds storyline that could possibly happen, it doesn’t, and things tend to follow the path of least resistance.
By the way, that map isn’t of Cape Verde. That’s the Canary Islands. Didn’t catch that, did ya? Here’s Cape Verde:
Ultimately, nothing ever did happen with Cape Verde against Argentina. And yet, so much happened. To take Argentina — ARGENTINA — to extra time, to say nothing of the actual quality of Sidney Lopes Cabral’s tying goal in the 103rd minute, is absurd. To come within mere minutes of going to penalties and then fall short, justifies all of the tears Cape Verde players were shedding after the game. And it’s a shame, because it would’ve been a wonderful icing on the cake to see the 40-year-old, clubless goalkeeper Vozinha face Argentina in penalties to further solidify his place as the unlikeliest national and international hero.
We knew Cape Verde would lose this game. We knew in our hearts because, ultimately, nothing ever happens. Cristian Romero’s header glanced off of a Cape Verde player and into the net, and Argentina went on like they were supposed to. Nothing happened, because nothing ever happens. But for 115 minutes, plus stoppage time, it really seemed like something could happen or was about to happen. Maybe that’s something enough.
That still wasn’t Cape Verde in the second photo. That’s the point. Here it is for real.
Or is it?
Cool Guys Walk Away from Explosions
Congratulations to everyone who is now aware of Erling Haaland.
I want the record to show that I predicted Norway advancing to the round of 16 on June 11. I have the receipts if anyone doubts that I know ball.
This game, and Neymar’s career with Brazil, ended with a consolation penalty like he was a dog being put down after the game and got one last big meal and run on the beach, after which he started jawing at Norway goalkeeper Ørjan Nyland for some reason.
And then he sat down and had himself a good ugly cry.
I, personally, have never left a job by performing one last task, picking a fight from someone at a different office, and then crying. But that’s just me.
Also, some advice: if someone in your orbit who is not Norwegian is just a little too into this Norway team and the success of a Nordic country at the expense of a country like Brazil, you should be a little wary.
Mexico Had Home Field Advantage
In the history books, or history blogs, about this World Cup, the games that will stand out will be in Mexico. Against Ecuador, the volume inside the enormous Estadio Azteca — ahem, Mexico City Stadium — after Raúl Jiménez’s second goal was deafening on the broadcast alone.
Against England, the packed house of 87,000 braved the thunderstorm and booed “Don’t Look Back in Anger” mercilessly until the house DJ went back to Mexican music. England had to defend for their lives after going down to 10 men, and might as well have been facing more than 11 with the fans behind El Tri.
The U.S. is obviously also playing tonight in Seattle, which is, compared to other places in the U.S., a “soccer town,” but it’s not going to be even close. And, no offense to our friends in Canada, but they simply can’t hold a candle to the Mexican fans.
Until the last whistle, Mexico looked like they could’ve and maybe even should’ve won that game. Yes, England were very much the favorites, but that went out the window as soon as the game started. Mexico looked dangerous, fast, cohesive and backed by the stadium. We soccer fans simply can’t match the energy of futbal fans. The announcers couldn’t stop complimenting the fans and the atmosphere either.
The final might be played in New Jersey, but in the years to come this will feel more like Mexico’s World Cup than a shared North American cup — aside from the obvious negative American aspects.
If America Wants to Move Into a New Era of Soccer, It Must Move on From Former American Players
Plenty has been said in the past about the state of American soccer culture. It’s taken plenty of steps forward with things like the hiring of Jurgen Klinsmann and accepting more players who grew up abroad and, therefore, came through much more prestigious soccer institutions than an ACC college program. Now our starting lineup comes from prestigious clubs like Juventus, AC Milan, Crystal Palace, Leeds United, Monaco and Marseille rather than just MLS clubs aside from a few outliers. Our manager is Argentinian and has managed exclusively in Europe. The on-field culture of American soccer is moving forward.
But now everything else has to catch up.
To do that, we have to start taking ourselves — the non-player part of the culture — a little more seriously, and that might require some cruel decisions not unlike a sporting director cutting players or selling them when the right opportunity presents itself.
Yes, the players of our past like Landon Donovan, Stu Holden, Clint Dempsey, Jozy Altidore, Tim Howard and, shamefully, Alexi Lalas have spent time abroad. But they are still a relic of soccer’s past, and it’s evident in the broadcast. Forget Lalas’ bullshit. Even the best of the bunch still for the most part lack the expertise of someone like Peter Schmeichel, Thierry Henry, Zlatan Ibrahimovic or Clarence Seedorf. It’s why we have them in the first place.
If American soccer culture wants to take its next step forward, it needs to do so on the media front. The same way that we import expertise on the pitch and in the locker room, we should be doing that even more on the broadcasts, because these are the people educating and ultimately converting the soccer-agnostic or nonbelievers. Does it matter that much if the talking head is not American, if it means their analysis and attitude toward the game is perhaps more, I don’t know, nuanced in a way that anyone trained in America broadcast presentation is not?
At a time where we’re getting TV shows where Rob Gronkowski and Jameis Winston are learning about soccer during the World Cup, it says to me that we as a country are still stuck in the era of performative soccer ignorance. You’d see it on old episodes of SportsCenter when a highlight would slip through the cracks and Scott Van Pelt would mock the big words that European announcers would use. Soccer was always other in America.
But maybe, instead of having to play the part laid out by Tubi for Gronk and Jameis (not experts, just extremely confident), we don’t do that, and we pretend that we could actually learn more about the game rather than just be arrogant and simultaneously ignorant and almost disdainful about it.
Until that changes, you’re stuck with the likes of Lalas, because a guy like that who prioritizes takes and bluster thrives in that environment. This is how we end up with him clearly salivating about FIFA suspiciously reinstating Folarin Balogun after a red card suspension ruled him out for the U.S. game against Belgium. Now he can plant his flag on the side of “The U.S. is now a victim of international cancel culture because they hate that we were the recipient of a questionable rules decision. Bring it on!”
Yuck.
We can be better on the pitch, now we can be better in the broadcast booth and, hopefully, better in the stands, too. Because we as a nation have to move on from “I believe that we will win.”
Do Not Let These Weirdos Keep Saying This Stuff
Nate Silver, famous for being wrong online about politics and a lot of other things, took to Twitter last week to say something extremely dorkish.
“Hey, stop the most famous, most exciting sporting event on the globe so me and my friends can do made up homework!”
This is gross and stupid. This is dweeb behavior. This is the kind of thing that exists when you let gross dweebs run the world and have a prominent voice in society. No one wants this except for a select few. Unfortunately the prominence of betting in sports is going to make it so this sort of thing could conceivably happen. Soccer was a simple game of halves until “hydration breaks.” Who is to say that there’s not a pause in the tournament for “prediction market analysis?” I’d love to dismiss what Silver said as stupid and call him a dork and stuff him in a metaphorical locker, but I can also unfortunately see the bleak future where he gets his way.
I heard some kids who did not seem to be of legal sports betting age talk about placing bets at the Fan Fest this past weekend, and they kept unironically calling it “investing.”
So, ya know, who knows?
Jordan Henderson Played the Game of His Life Against Mexico
Jordan Henderson was a bit of a head-scratcher call-up to the England squad. He’s up there in age, now a few years removed from his Liverpool heyday and having spent a comedically short and misguided spell in Saudi before going to Ajax in Amsterdam and eventually returning to the Premier League for Brentford. The understanding is that ol’ Hendo was a personality hire, and that his locker room leadership complements Harry Kane’s on-field leadership. Specifically, England gaffer Thomas Tuchel believes that Hendo is the guy who gets the most out of Jude Bellingham.
So far, it’s hard to argue with his logic.
In the chaotic and wildly entertaining game at the Azteca last night, Henderson racked up a yellow card despite not making it onto the pitch, and then in celebration injured his wrist while jumping over a barricade and needed to be stretchered off. It came out this morning that he’ll miss the rest of the tournament and will need surgery.
“Asshole … just broke his arm”
Senegal Just Can’t Catch a Break
You want to talk about some soccer government fuckery, look no further than Senegal’s African Cup of Nations victory*. To put a very long story short, Senegal beat Morocco in Morocco. Morocco raised a stink about Senegal players leaving the pitch in protest of referee decisions. The game was suspended, and then Senegal returned to the field to eventually win the game and tournament. They hosted a parade back home and everything, but months later it was decided that FIFA and the Confederation of African Football would award the trophy to Morocco due to Senegal’s team leaving the pitch, and therefore had supposedly forfeiting the match.
Anyway, all of this is to say that Senegal really deserved more against Belgium, and it stinks to see them go out like that. Now Belgium has the privilege of facing off against a team also given a questionable leg up by FIFA. Take that, rules.
Today’s Snakes and Sparklers musical guest is Brian Fallon.