Welcome Back, Oasis. Was Drive Shaft (the Fictional Band from "LOST") Actually Any Good?

It's hard to base a plot around a hit song being a hit song if it's not really a hit song

Hey, I’m back. Thanks for the patience. I told you before I’m picking up a good bit of freelance work these days. The first one dropped the other week - it was a story on the band girlfriends for SPIN. We talked about whether or not Avril Lavigne is actually dead, urban legends, TikTok-ready pop punk and forced nostalgia, and more. Give that a read maybe. After this. Because speaking of guys coming back:

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Did you guys hear Oasis is back? The Gallaghers are laying down their arms and putting aside their differences for the sake of what is sure to be stupid money. I’m not fully convinced that it’s happening. They still hate each other too much. I won’t believe it until the parkas are fully zipped up and they’re like a minute and a half into “Rock n’ Roll Star.” And even then I wouldn’t bet on them finishing that first set as planned, let alone the whole tour. If you saw the leaked spreadsheet that says they’re coming to North America later next year, I wouldn’t hold your breath for that one.

Speaking of simulation theory: This Oasis reunion happened out of the blue while my friends and I have been discussing the hit TV show “LOST.” I watched “LOST” pretty much live - my dad and I rented the first couple of seasons from Blockbuster and then jumped in during season 3 to watch weekly with everyone else. It was a great show until it wasn’t! And my friends who for some reason are just starting it for the first time now will figure that out.

In the pilot episode (ironic for a show about a plane crash) you find out that the character Charlie - played by Dominic Monaghan of LOTR fame (wouldn’t know, only ever seen 1.5 of em) - was in a British rock band called Drive Shaft. Drive Shaft had at least enough international fame that the character Kate had a sense of who he/they were, and had a friend who was super into them. They weren’t famous enough that he was flying private (hence why he was on the plane that ended up on the island), but they had at least one hit song, “You All Everybody.”

That Thing You Do! might be my favorite movie. It’s at least in the conversation if someone were to ask. I’ve at least seen it more than most other movies, and it never gets old to me. I just watched it the other week actually, and I was thinking about the fact that no matter how many times you hear the title track throughout the movie, you never get tired of it. That’s because it is, actually, just a really good song that is totally believable as a pop hit of that time or, really, any time. The entire film is built on the idea of a song that you hear over and over being a hit. You can’t fake that. It’s a load-bearing song and makes or breaks the movie. You can’t just write the movie where characters insist it is a hit song when it is, actually, a dud. If you’re writing a movie about a band whose fame explodes overnight on the strength of one song, it had better be a really good song.

And it is, actually, a really good song.

“That Thing You Do!” the song was famously written by Adam Schlesinger, bassist of Fountains of Wayne. Fountains of Wayne also wrote “Stacy’s Mom,” which is also an absolutely undeniable song years later.

“That Thing You Do!” the song was nominated for the “Best Original Song” Academy Award, but lost to something from Evita. Hard to compete with Madge in the ‘90s.

I bring up That Thing You Do! and “That Thing You Do!” now because, thinking about Drive Shaft, I had a thought:

Is “You All Everybody” actually a good song? Is it good enough to warrant the in-universe fame that Drive Shaft achieved?

People like to talk about the Bechtel Test, which measures a film’s representation of women with the lowest possible benchmark:

Do two women have a conversation about something other than a man? (Bonus points if those characters have names, but it’s not necessary to pass the test.)

With that in mind, I think I’ll institute my own test:

Does “You All Everybody” pass the Schlesinger Test of whether a song could feasibly be a real-life hit like it is in a show or movie?

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To start analyzing this, we need to look deeper into “You All Everybody” beyond Charlie’s goofy falsetto version on that hillside before Jack out-of-breathily tells him to get moving.

While looking into this, I found a “studio” version of the track. It’s not complete (at least I don’t think it is), clocking in at just about a minute and a half.

There’s even a fictional music video, showing once again that Drive Shaft is a barely veiled stand-in for Oasis, with things like the singer’s mic being too high for him - just like Liam Gallagher’s always was - and we later learn that the singer’s name is Liam - also just like Liam Gallagher’s always was.

It’s stuck in your head now, isn’t it? Now, that doesn’t mean it’s a good song. “Happy Birthday” gets stuck in my head sometimes. 

The lyrics are, let’s just say, basic:

[Verse 1: Liam]

You all, everybody

You all, everybody

Acting like you're stupid people

Wearing expensive clothes

[Chorus: Liam & Charlie]

You all, everybody

You all, everybody

You all, everybody

[Refrain: Liam]

You all, everybody (You all, everybody)

You all, everybody

Acting like you're stupid people

Wearing expensive clothes

[Outro: Liam]

You all (You all, everybody)

You all, everybody

You all, everybody

You all, everybody

15 lines, 11 of which are “You All Everybody.” The song is 73.3(repeating)% “You all everybody”

Now, again, basic lyrics does not mean bad song. “Tequila” is a hit song. And hell, let’s not act like “That Thing You Do!” the song is pulling from any deep emotional well. Those were the other songs Jimmy wrote but never got to record in That Thing You Do! the movie.

The only real qualification for a song being a hit is “Do people like it?” Every band has their audience. Even what you or I might perceive as dreck is the music that saved someone else. There’s no safer audience for this, in particular, than fans of “LOST.” So, I looked on their subreddit, and there is actually a bit of discussion on the topic. 

The original post:

It makes me laugh that throughout the 6 years that this show aired, they only ever had the one song for Drive Shaft, and it's so... Comically bad. Could the writers seriously not come up with anything better than singing "you all everybody" over and over again??😭 Charlie got so many flashbacks too which made it even worse!

That being said, it's annoyingly catchy and I regularly get it stuck in my head so maybe they were onto something there

Some replies:

To be fair, they also sing "Acting like you (you're?) stupid people wearing expensive clothes". The fact that it's catchy but not good explains why they only had the one popular song! I don't believe for a second that DriveShaft had a "greatest hits" album

It served its purpose. The band was meant to be a not-so-great and quick lived one hit wonder, so giving them one not-so-great catchy tune was appropriate IMO.

I think it's kinda catchy. I like it.

It was my ringtone for a few years back then x)

Have you never heard a one hit wonder before? It fits perfectly for the type of band the story needed. A "better" song wouldn't have worked as well.

If marketing had released it as a single while the show was on, it may have actually been a hit in real life per the music at the time.

Now, there’s where I take issue. Could this song have charted or been a hit in a vacuum? Maybe. But, per my research (Googling “What year did you all everybody drive shaft supposedly come out), the song came out in 1999.

1999 had some heavy hitters: “Believe” by Cher, “No Scrubs,“ “Baby One More Time,” “Mambo Number 5,” “Livin’ La Vida Loca,” “Smooth” by Santana ft. Rob Thomas. 1999 was an absolutely stacked year. I don’t know that “You All Everybody” would’ve made a real dent.

But would people have liked it enough to buy the CD and, just perhaps, recognize the dude from the video on a commercial airplane? Maybe.

I don’t like it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good.

The difference between “You All Everybody” and “That Thing You Do!” is that the latter was written by a guy who was also capable of writing many good and popular songs as part of a much beloved and celebrated pop rock band. The former was written by guys who had no idea how to end a TV show, or even how to make the middle of a TV show.

“You All Everybody’s” lyrics apparently stem from an in-joke among the show’s creators. During a taping of the Phil Donahue show, someone in the audience yelled “You all, everybody, acting like you're stupid people, wearing expensive clothes,” and the creators quoted it to each other often, eventually using it for the lyrics to the “hit” song. It’s mean-spirited, and reeks of some disdain for the audience - which we’d later confirm the creators of the show had based on how they chose to end the show. But, a lot of hit songs start with that.

So, does “You All Everybody” pass the Schlesinger Test? I guess it does. People seem to like it, even if they admit it’s kind of corny and silly.

Does “LOST” pass the test where I go back and rewatch knowing full well how badly I’ll get burned? No, I don’t think it does.

The definition of insanity, etc.

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Today’s Snakes and Sparklers musical guest is Wishy.

Oh hey, thanks for scrolling down. I love a good movie fun fact. If I watch a movie I really like, or even one I really hate, I’ll pretty much immediately go to IMDB and look at its “trivia” page. Did you know that “That Thing You Do!” the song only plays in its entirety twice in That Thing You Do! the movie? When they first play it at the Mercyhurst College talent show, and then again on TV in LA.