I Wrote The Logical Missing Scene from 'The Santa Clause'

There first two movies imply there's an incredibly dark plot point that they never addressed. But I did.

The whole premise of “The Santa Clause” is that once Santa dies (which happens), whoever is responsible or at least close enough to the body to put on the suit inherits the job and becomes the new Santa. In the first movie, Tim Allen’s character watches Santa fall off his roof, reluctantly puts on the gear, and becomes the new Santa. We all know the story.

In the second one, the whole point is that to continue to hold the position as Santa, a lifetime position not unlike the Supreme Court, you have to be married. For your entire tenure as Santa, there must be a Mrs. Clause to do whatever the first lady of the North Pole does. I wonder if there were ever any Nancy Reagan type Mrs. Clauses whose whole existence was based around making marginalized mythical groups miserable.

Anyway, these are literally the two main plot points of the two movies. With that in mind, I started thinking about how it created a really fucked up plot point that they overlooked, or at least didn’t show us.

The Santa before Allen died unexpectedly. When that happened, by the very logic of the movie, he had to have been married to a Mrs. Clause. When he died and Tim Allen took over, that meant that his was the incoming administration, effective immediately. By the time he actually got to the North Pole, it was all set up and waiting for him, as if the job were vacant before this—thus implying that they had to alert the previous Mrs. Claus that her husband was dead and that she would have to vacate her home, and do so immediately.

This has to be how it happens. The rules are clearly stated in both movies. They are the entire points of the movies! We just weren’t showed that scene because it would be incredibly grim to include in a Christmas movie for the whole family.

But, I’ve been poking around Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant’s book about screenwriting, and I think I’m ready to give this a real try. 

So, without further lead-up, here is the scene where the outgoing Mrs. Clause is told that her entire life as she knows it is effectively over:

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INT. NORTH POLE - NIGHT (AS ALWAYS, COZY)

MRS. CLAUS sits by the fireplace in her home, looking wistfully out the window, knowing her husband would return from his annual work trip soon. 

A KNOCK AT THE DOOR

MRS CLAUS

Come in!

BERNARD THE ELF enters the room, feigning a pleasant smile that looks like it’s masking pain.

MRS. CLAUS

Oh, hello, Bernard. Everything going to plan as usual, I presume? If past experiences are to be trusted, the old man should be just over the American Midwest by now.

BERNARD

Yep, you, uh, know the game pretty well by now.

MRS. CLAUS

Lord knows it’s been long enough! What can I do for you, dear?

BERNARD

Well, Mrs. Claus, i don’t really know how to say this. I’ve never had to deliver bad news much in this job.

MRS. CLAUS

Oh, come now. How bad could it be?

BERNARD’s eyes start to show tears. His voice shakes.

BERNARD

Well, I’m afraid it’s just about as bad as it gets, ma’am. Your husband is gone.

MRS. CLAUS

Gone? Excuse me? Like he’s gotten lost? How could he get lost he’s done this so many times! Poor dear.

Mrs. Claus laughs, with a hint of nervousness.

BERNARD

No, ma’am. We, um, we know where he is. It’s just that … Mrs. Claus, Santa is dead.

MRS CLAUS’s eyes dart around the room. She refuses to make eye contact with BERNARD, as if acknowledging his news would make it real. She walks away from the window and goes over to the table, shaking a snowglobe on top of a stack of papers.

MRS. CLAUS

That…That can’t be. How could that be? How could that happen?

BERNARD

Well, I’m afraid he was startled while he was on a particularly slanted roof, and lost his footing.

MRS. CLAUS (now tearing up herself)

Oh, oh no. 

MRS CLAUS shifts some papers around on the desk to uncover a photo of her and her husband, smiling at each other, looking somehow youthful and pleasantly aged simultaneously, revealing the magic of the life they live.

MRS. CLAUS (cont’d)

I’m sorry, Bernard. Could you please just give me a few moments to gather myself? I really think it would be best to be alone right now.

BERNARD

Well, unfortunately, that leads me to my next point.

MRS. CLAUS (uncharacteristically angry, snapping)

What? What else could it possibly be? My husband is dead! The love of my life - a life much longer than anyone else gets to spend thanks to this job!

BERNARD recoils, having never seen her like this. He crosses his arms, hugging himself, guarding himself from the emotion he’s about to experience.

BERNARD

That’s just it, ma’am. The job. The rules clearly state that the position your husband held would be taken over by whomever puts on that suit. We’ve gotten word that the sole adult witness to your husband’s accident has already taken the reins of the sleigh, and is en route to the North Pole as we speak.

MRS. CLAUS

So, what?

BERNARD

I’m afraid this means it’s the beginning of his tenure now.

MRS. CLAUS (pacing around the room)

I suppose that means you want me to put on a chipper face and show him around, hmm? Give him some milk and cookies so he can start to acquire a taste? He’ll be having plenty of them for the next however many hundred years. ‘Oh, welcome, New Santa. Thank you for doing nothing when my husband fell off of your roof. Now let me give you the grand tour!’ Honestly, Bernard. You don’t expect me to roll out the red carpet at a time like this, do you? I know it’s Christmas but even we have our boundaries.

BERNARD (looking down)

No, no I won’t ask you to do that. I’m afraid I need to ask you to leave, though.

MRS CLAUS stops walking and turns slowly to look at him.

MRS. CLAUS

You want me to do what?

BERNARD

Unfortunately, you and I both understand the rules. When a new Santa puts on the gear, the job is theirs. That means they have full access to the place. Mrs. Claus, 

MRS. CLAUS

Can you even call me that anymore?

BERNARD sighs, taking the jab on the chin.

BERNARD

Mrs. Claus, I’m sorry. I truly am. You know I never wanted this to go this way. You know how much I cared - still care, about you and your husband. But these are just the rules. This is the way things have always gone. I know you and I hoped this could go on forever, but that’s just not the way it goes. So, while we prepare for the incoming Santa to arrive, we need you to clear out.

MRS. CLAUS lets out a chuckle and turns away from BERNARD

MRS. CLAUS

Just like that.

MRS. CLAUS tears up, her stony facade now fully crumbled.

MRS. CLAUS (cont’d)

Where will I go? Where do I live now? This has been my home for so long.

BERNARD

If you have any family members, we can send an elf right away to explain the situation.

MRS CLAUS

I don’t have any family, Bernard! We’ve been in this job so long! Nearly 200 years! My family is long since dead! Any relatives I have now are just strangers. They might as well just be more names on the Naughty and Nice List. And I’m a stranger to them! Just some old woman. I am alone.

MRS CLAUS falls to her knees, dropping the snowglobe she had been clutching and breaks into heaving sobs, covering her face with her hands.

BERNARD approaches with his hand extended, but hesitates.

BERNARD

I’m sorry, ma’am.

His radio cackles

OTHER ELF (V.O.)

Bernard, come in. He’s here. Repeat, he’s here. Over. There’s a kid with him, too.

BERNARD (into radio)

Copy that

BERNARD sighs.

BERNARD (cont’d)

Ma’am, unfortunately, at this point, my allegiance is to the job. And as much loyalty I have for your family, I need to move. This is the big show tonight. You know that better than anyone. There are millions of kids counting on us right this second. I’ll do anything I can to help you land back on your feet, but right now I have to move. There will be a sleigh waiting for you at the secondary dock in 15 minutes. If you can think of anywhere, anywhere at all, you’d like to go right now, the reindeer will take you. Maybe somewhere you’ve always dreamed of going but never got the chance before you came here. Maybe somewhere warm. Could be nice to get some sand and sun for a change.

BERNARD tries to force a laugh

MRS. CLAUSE

That’s enough, Bernard. Go do what you need to do.

MRS CLAUS looks at the snowglobe

MRS CLAUS (cont’d)

You say there’s a kid? Give him this.

BERNARD

Thank you, ma’am. I’m sure this will mean quite a lot to him.

MRS. CLAUS

I’m sure. Now go. I’ll figure something out. I have to, don’t I? I don’t have much of a choice.

BERNARD

Good luck, Mrs. Claus. Merry Christmas.

MRS CLAUS tosses the photo she had looked at previous into the fireplace. It grows slightly larger

MRS. CLAUS

Merry Christmas.

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Merry Christmas, everyone.

Today’s Snakes and Sparklers musical guest is L.S. Dunes.