10 Ways 'The Sopranos' Could Have Had Steven Van Zandt and Silvio Dante Exist Simultaneously
This is what it's like when worlds collide
Up top before we get into it: In preparation for his book "Such Great Heights: The Complete Cultural History of the Indie Rock Explosion,” writer Chris DeVille has been doing a series of “B-Side” articles, connecting even more dots between the 2000s indie rock boom and the culture around it. He was kind enough to have me talk with him about how 2000s indie rock bands like Interpol and Band of Horses stood out in 2000s skateboarding videos, and what it said about the skaters themselves in a macho subculture. You can read it here, and you can also pre-order Chris’s book.
Julia Roberts pretending to be Julia Roberts messed me up something good.
Ocean’s Twelve came out in 2004. I was 12. By the time my father was watching it on our living room TV one day when I joined him midway through, I was probably still also 12. Twelve isn’t the most memorable age. 7th grade is pretty forgettable and you’re mostly just excited to be 13. But I have a vivid memory of watching the movie midway through with my dad, and he was explaining that the character played by Julia Roberts was pretending to be Julia Roberts to help Julia Roberts’ character’s on-again-off-again boyfriend, George Clooney’s character, rob a casino.
The conversation went something like this:
“What do you mean? That is Julia Roberts.”
“Yeah but the character is pretending to be Julia Roberts.”
[I pause to do the math in my head]
“But it is Julia Roberts.”
“But the character isn’t.”
To put a long story short, I couldn’t wrap my brain around the in-movie universe and the true universe I was currently sitting in, uncomfortably, existing simultaneously. I did what most children do when they can’t wrap their brains around a concept, and I think I got angry at the concept and said that the movie was stupid or something. Because when you don’t get something, and you don’t have the words to admit that or at least admit that the lack of connection is likely due to your own fault, you act like you never wanted to get it in the first place.
In 2004, months before I would stew over the sleight of hand that Steven Soderbergh, George Clooney and Julia Roberts would soon pull on me and some unsuspecting casino owners, The Sopranos was in its fifth and penultimate season.
I didn’t watch that at the time, because I was too young and we didn’t have HBO.
But I do now, or at least whatever they’re calling it these days. So, as so many other 30-somethings have done, I went back and watched it for the first time and now want to talk about it as if it’s a hot new thing that I had discovered and not one of the most talked about, celebrated, and 20-some-years-old shows of all time.
I specifically want to talk about one guy. Not the one you’re thinking of. No, not him either. And probably not that one, either.
I’m talking about this guy.
Who is played by this guy up here with Bruce.
I probably don’t have to explain this but that character is Silvio Dante, played by Steven Van Zandt, best known as the guitarist for Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band and perhaps less known for having a hand in ending Apartheid in South Africa.
The Sopranos, famously, takes place in New Jersey, which is also the famed home of Bruce Springsteen. Because the thing about anyone from New Jersey, whether they’re one of the greatest songwriters of their or any other generation or not, is that they will always let you know that they are from New Jersey.
On The Sopranos, Tony Soprano loves rock music. He drives around and sings Steely Dan. He pulls into the driveway listening to Rush. Fun fact, one time I told my mom that if they made a movie about our family James Gandolfini could play my dad (a man of Italian descent with a similar hairline – I meant it as a compliment. People love James Gandolfini) and she strongly disagreed. When I saw that scene of Tony pulling in listening to “Tom Sawyer” I almost ran it back to film and send to her and say “Look familiar?????” but I didn’t because HBO Max’s rewind function is terrible and it might’ve made my TV fall off the wall. Also, mean.
Anyway, Tony Soprano likes the rock music that you’d expect a suburban dad of a certain age to like. Bruce Springsteen is firmly in that zone.
And here’s the thing: Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band exists within the Sopranos universe. Because the Sopranos universe is New Jersey in the 90s and 2000s after all. You can’t have a New Jersey without Bruce Springsteen.
Christopher even references it in one scene:
That is fuckin’ cute, T, I’m sorry. I’m siding with Chrissy on this one. But that’s right before he makes a jab at Adriana for having digestion issues when she comes in, which I can’t abide by. I’m an ally for the digestive community, as you all know well by now.
I’m getting sidetracked.
Silvio, who sits in that office and participates in that scene is played by Steven Van Zandt, contributed to the album Born to Run. He didn’t play on the title track that Christopher is referencing here, but he did arrange the horns in “10th Avenue Freeze Out,” which, depending on the weather, might be my favorite Bruce song.
If you think about this too long, especially when you’re 12, you start to go cross-eyed. What would happen if Tony and the rest of the guys turned on MTV or something and a Bruce video came on? Hell, what if they all went to a Bruce concert? Would the Earth implode upon itself from the paradox?
I’m not sure what would happen. I’m not great at thinking through paradoxes in pop culture. It’s hard to make them air-tight. But even the best of us, like Christopher Nolan, sometimes have trouble creating foolproof plot discombobulaters.
So, after much rambling, here are 10 ways that The Sopranos, a show that ended in 2006 to much fanfare and argument, could’ve incorporated the very real Steven Van Zandt into the universe inhabited by the played-by-Steven-van-Zandt Silvio Dante.
Obvious low-hanging fruit: It comes out that Silvio is moonlighting as Bruce’s guitarist (and is killed for some reason)
It comes out that Steven Van Zandt is undercover as Silvio (and is killed for it)
Evil twin scenario
Not-evil twin scenario, like Homer Simpson’s long-lost brother played by New Jersey’s Danny DeVito, and they get along for a while but recognize their lifestyles are too different and lose touch. Chris asks about it every now and then but Silvio dismisses it with something along the lines of “we’re both busy guys” and that’s the end of it.
Freaky Friday body switch scenario (they both somehow end up killed, Silvio because he can’t play guitar and the mob of fans descends on him, and Steven because he is not a mafia guy and would make a mistake)
Silvio is a time traveler (we don’t know what he got into after the last episode)
Bruce Springsteen cloned Silvio at one point in time and taught this one guitar. More are out there with various other talents.
They walk by each other on the Asbury Park boardwalk but are too busy with their jobs to notice each other. Paulie notices and tells Silvio the guy in the headscarf looks like him and Silvio says shut up. Paulie is fixated on it for a few hours but moves on.
The entire plot of the show, including Tony Soprano’s dream sequences, is Steven Van Zandt’s dream
They get in a fender bender on the Garden State Parkway and become friends.
Now the hard part — ending this. I don’t think I need to wrap things up that nicely, right? The Sopranos didn’t. So I’ll take this opportunity to say that having just finished The Sopranos, I’m re-watching LOST. It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. Holy shit—The Sopranos ended with “Don’t Stop Believin’.” It’s literally about the Journey, not the destination. It really is the best show ever.
Today’s Snakes & Sparklers musical guest is Awning.